Story by "Anonymous"


I am a 25yr old female suffering from severe depersonalization, derealization along with Bipolar disorder.  I have been Bipolar for about going on five years now and it wasn't until over two years ago that I started to feel depersonalized.  I felt as if I was living in a fake, unreal world and when anyone would talk, when any sound passed me by it was if the sounds echoed all around me and it was if I was playing my stereo to the loudest level.  My peers around me appeared larger than me and it was if I was a little child about two feet from the ground. When I first started to feel that way I went straight to my psychiatrist and she said it was just a panic attack.  Days, hours, even weeks passed still feeling lost and hopeless and still in a depersonalized state. She asked several other doctors about it and they didn't have any idea what to say about this. Cause after all, a panic attack doesn't just stay inside a person's mind and body for more than a few hours maybe just a day at most.  My case was unusual.  So she wanted to try something else and so she sent me to see a really good neurologist in the area. As I walked into his office, I sat down told him my story and he said something could not be working right in my brain.  He ordered numerous brain scans along with memory tests and everything came up normal.  When he sat me down and told me what he gathered he said well, it isn't neurological so then you must be mentally really ill.  I later came to my psych. with that information and she didn't really know what to do other than have me on sedatives all the time.  It came to my attention that I should seek another psychiatrist's input on the matter so I looked up a psychiatrist that also was a psychoanalysis.  He basically had me on medication cause he thought it could just be a part of the mania from having manic depression.  So now two years have passed me by and none of my symptoms have dissipated. I'm not currently working because for the past few years I've been in and out of jobs.  My career path is at a halt and I'm not sure what the future has in store for me. All I know is that to this day, from the day I started to get sick all I wanted was to get better at least to the point where I could function and live life like so many other people out there.  That's my story that I wanted to share along with the many others on this page cause I feel its important for people to get educated on what others with depersonalization have to go through.


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