Story by "Anonymous"


I'm a 21 year old male from Canada now in college working towards my computer science degree.  I just wanted to say I felt an overwhelming urge to share my story like the others posted here.  

For the past few years I've been debating why I don't feel like I used to; trying to figure out how my life has changed...   "Back in the day" I used to be an avid partier, totally motivated by my love for electronic music for as long as I can remember.  It only came natural to fit in with the emerging rave culture in the mid 90's.  

Along with the people and music also comes drugs and I was no exception, dropping LSD, MDMA, and numerous other mind altering drugs, and always thought, "what a great mind opening experience", ignoring that any real harm was being done. 

I've stopped the drug abuse about half a year ago now almost completely because of the story below and the loss of my girlfriend at the time.

I wish I would have listened to all those health class lectures on drugs back in my early years a little more seriously. =)

Tonight I've stumbled on this "depersonalization" article after using a search "MDMA and Psychology" and was shocked to find that so many other people feel and suffer the same feelings that I have.  I didn't know this condition even had a name, believing that it was possibly just myself and something that others didn't feel. All I can say is that I'm SO glad I found something I can put a finger on finally!

I've been laying in bed for the past few hours debating my "condition" so I've calling it lately.

I've noticed that I just don't' feel like I used to. I know I used to be a lot more confident, outgoing, and spontaneous. I mean there are days where I have a hard time even talking to close friends and family just because of how inward my thoughts seem. Echoing back at me and wondering if what I just said "was alright to say" It's just so frustrating, -these thoughts at times making it seem impossible to have a meaningful conversation it seems.   I've lost two girlfriends to this I can now say, and I know for a fact that my social life and well being has changed.

All I can say is this for anyone reading this story:  If you're using or considering drugs as a means to escape/enjoy life think about the possible outcomes, and don't be ignorant like I have.  The aftermath of it all has hurt a lot more than just my wallet, it's cost me parts of my youth that I won't ever be able to recover.  It's cost me relationships, possible jobs, and my own well being to name a few obvious cases. 

"Depersonalization" is a scary thing, and I hope for all of us suffering that we are able to put some meaning back into our daily lives.

Please think.


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