Story by "Charley"
the time I reach the bathroom with my ripped under shorts and my fake tan,
I look in the mirror and realize That I am actually 15 years old. As
if before I had no recollection of age at all. Confusing right?
That's the point. I Conclude it was from the marijuana the
morning before. I lazily do my routine, wash my face, brush my
teeth, and back to my room to get dressed.
mind freezes. "How did I get here? What the hell
happened?" I ask myself while feeling my shirt and pants on my body
which weren't there ten minutes ago. "Has it been that
long?" "No, its only been 5." Retracing, I had
found that everything that I have done has felt as if I have floated, has
felt as If I am in a dream.
skipped school that day feeling ill. Not physically, mentally.
I felt an insanity, some sort of unstable mentality. Many
people that I have read about in depersonalization has said that they had
become depressed, then acquired depersonalization. My experience was
in some way reversed. After realizing that I had this feeling all
the time, I would have short waves of dark clouds above my head, sunny
days didn't seem so sunny anymore. and rainy ones felt good.
several months of having this, not knowing the name, just thinking that I
have gone mad, I had quickly picked up many ways in which I can some how
for a short time get rid of it. And here is what would work for a
brief time for myself: Ice cold showers, adrenaline rushes, Orgasms,
waking up in a hot room and going outside to breath in a huge breath of
cold air, swimming.
here are some of the things that would make the depersonalization
stronger: Any type of aerobic work out, hot showers, hot tubs,
sauna's, large groups of people around me, being indoors, Right when
i first wake up in the morning, alcohol, and marijuana.
am now twenty years old, And still face this everyday. But in some
ways I like having it. Its like a blanket, or a shield I can crouch
behind whenever I want. And sometimes, Its even a blessing.
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