Story by "Desiree"

 

Hey, I am Desiree and I have just developed depersonalization disorder.  I am 17 years old and I am scared to death. The first time I felt this sensation was a few days ago, about a week after getting high for the first time.  I am constantly nervous, anxious, and my heart races.  I feel disconnected from the world, like nobody is real to me.  I try to get solace from my boyfriend but it just feels like he isn't real.   Everything seems to go real slowly and I just don't feel real anymore.  When people talk to me I am hearing their voice but I it feels like I'm not hearing it, it doesn't sound real.   I constantly have to keep moving and I get nauseous a lot.  I feel so empty inside and I am more irritable then I used to be.  I've read many of these stories and it made me want to cry because I thought I was the only person that had these feelings.  I touch, smell, see, think but none of these feel real to me anymore.  The thought of being a human suddenly feels odd to me.   I've forgotten what it was to laugh.  I pray but it doesn't feel like I am praying to anything because nothing seems real anymore.  I can't think or remember like I used to.  It bugs me out that humans can think inside their minds and see pictures in there minds.  I know it sounds stupid but that's what I feel.  I feel so disconnected. I know God will help me through this because through Him all things are possible.  But sometimes I feel He isn't there and I am just an experiment. I am like this all the time now. But one thing is for sure, in my belief, when Jesus takes me into His arms everything will be OK and I WILL feel real again, I just have to wait now.

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