Story by "Ike"

 

Hi

My name is Ike. Has anybody ever thought they were "forgetting" their family? I too suffer from DP/DR. This is one symptom I have never been able to find any additional information about. 

The depression & depersonalization started when my Mom became ill / passed away, and it has consistently got worse. I'm 39, I never moved away from home, never  had a "real" job (a complicated issue) and losing my Mom was something I had feared all my life. I am living with my Dad now, and am constantly telling him "I Love You" (literally every 5 minutes) & saying crap like please take care of yourself & some Family issues for me, as I might not be here. It sounds like I'm threatening suicide, or just deciding I don't want the responsibility. I question everything I say,  including whether I really loved my Parents (I do), as well as how I perceive myself. I question my very existence. I find it hard to watch TV, drive or even lay down.

For example, it can freak me out that there are "other" people or places! I see no possible outcome except being "institutionalized" (an idea I wish I had never thought of). Married? Children? Me? These are things I only rarely thought of, now it is kind of like an unwanted obsessive thought  (why am I not normal?). It all seems as if the past 39 years never existed. This whole thing has lasted for about 3 years, and it's the 3rd depressive episode I have had in my life, and it's really getting tiresome. I am an incredible burden on my family. One of the hardest things is I "logically" know what it would take to get better (become independent / make friends / grow up etc..) yet I seemingly can't do anything about it. There's a lot more I could say, but hey, we all have our problems!

Ike


 

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