Story by "Sabrina"

 

I've read everyone's story and can honestly say, it seems as though every single one of us have quite a few things in common.  This DP seems to affect us all the same, for similar reasons, and with similar intellects.  On top of that, we're all on the same medications! ha ha  I find this extremely interesting. Well, here's my story:

I was 11, my parent's had brought me and my family into a counselor's office to 'cope' with my brother's Hyperactivity and Epilepsy.  After
the session ended I asked to speak to the therapist alone.  This is what I told her:

"I feel as if I'm the only person alive and everything else is like watching a lot of TV sets all around me.  I feel as if I'm God or something and the rest of this is just my imagination"

That was the best explanation an 11 year old could come up with at the time.  Here I am 31 and have a better understanding of what I feel and maybe even WHY I am feeling this.  First let me say that yes, I am on multiple meds for multiple reasons.  Celexa, Klonopin, Neurontin, Inderal, Lorcet, and occasionally other pain killers.  I've been diagnosed with Mild Depression, Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Migraine/tension headaches, and now DP.  My feelings of DP are similar to most others here that have submitted their thoughts, though I believe mine may be slightly different in that I don't feel 'detached' from myself per se as much as from the rest of everything else.  Mostly it's a feeling as if I am God, and no one else on earth realizes it except me.  Then the feeling continues to the point where I tell myself, if I'm a god-like figure, then I am able to decide whether or not I leave this particular lifetime or not.  But I end up arguing with myself if this feeling is 'true' or not, or if I commit suicide if I will end up suffering more than I am now.

I lead a productive life for the most part, I'm a mother of 3, have a career, husband I adore, pets, home, family.  I have an IQ of 146 and consider myself a Spiritualist.  The only problem is that these stupid, mental inconveniences that my brain insists on holding onto interfere with my life so much that I require the common medications that most of you here are on. I think I've come to this conclusion, and this is mostly in part to reading a trilogy of books called Conversation with God:

I believe that the 'reality' is in the spiritual world, not here in the physical.  That as natural beings, we are ONE, together, as a whole.   The feeling of being detached from our bodies is a state of another consciousness where we 'remember' who we really are.  Some of us are able to forget this and lead a 'normal' life here on earth, but there are those of us that KNOW there is something else and this isn't reality.  And for those of us that know this, they labeled us with DP.
I live a life traveling between the spiritual world and this bodily world.  Sometimes the pain of being stuck in this body is so great that I think of leaving all those I love behind to do something else... but I usually chicken out and cry myself to sleep for days.  I have tried suicide quite a few times to validate this feeling, but alas I am still here, typing to all of you who know 'exactly' what I feel.  God is the only one that knows what's going on and I'm having some trouble understanding what she/he is trying to say.  In the mean time, I'm going to stick around here and enjoy the company of you fine young spirits!

**smiling**



 

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