Story by Irina

 

I've had episodes of DP over the past 8 years. The most disturbing one was
the one triggered by weed. I've had Dp before I started smoking weed and now
that I've had an awfull trip I think i better stay away from the drug.
I think I'm figuring it out though. It's NOT the ultimate reality, it's NOT
the truth. It's a projection of an inner disturbance out onto the world.
It's like when your personal world gets shut down while you still possess
consciousness and observation ability. The hell comes from not being able to
make what you observe 'yours', seeing everything as unfamiliar and not being
able to pass it thru 'you' because you feel like there is no 'you'. I think
that happens because your emotional self has been shut down. The emotional
self is that part of your self that is responsible for your personality. We
actually think emotionally. In DP you think unemotionally, or your emotions
are so removed that you are constantly in a state of a massive freak out,
coz you know something's wrong, but you forget that you can actually FEEL.
When we make decisions(which we do all the time, every second) we have to
pass that decision thru our emotions, that's how we actually feel that we
are doing something that makes sense. In DP you are aware, you are thinking
but you're not passing that thru your emotions, or thru your personal mind,
hence the sense of loss of self and out of body experiences. Once you FEEL
something you'll feel a lot better. You gotta trigger emotions in yourself.
That's what helped me. Look at something, or think about something that you
love - deeply(or have loved deeply), and it could help. Or think about
something that makes your cry. Cry. I cannot cry when I'm in DP,but once i
start, once I force myself it releases myself. And also always keep in mind
- no feeling is final.


 

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