Story by Heath

 

Hi, my name is Heath and I'm 21 years old.  I've done several drugs back in
the day and have had some form of Dp for 3 years now.  After my senior year of
high school I experimented with crystal meth, coc, shrooms a couple times, and
weed.  I'm completely clean now but i feel there's no doubt that this led to
my Dp.  I've read other stories on here and seems to be different from most of
what I've read.  I don't feel like I'm in a dream or have any kind of out-of-
body experience.  I just feel like I am always observing my mind and physical
actions.  This leads to a lot of anxiety making it hard to even be around my
closest friends.  I sometimes feel like it is difficult to carry on
conversations because it is so hard to focus because I am observing my facial
expressions or being distracted by what's going on around me.  I've thought in
the past that maybe I have social anxiety disorder, but after being on
medicine that has relieved my anxiety I don't believe so anymore.  Even with
anxiety relieved I still did not feel like myself, and I didn't feel
spontaneous or excited or anything.  When the anxiety is gone, I just feel
bland, like I'm just there with no emotions, no excited, not spontaneous, and
just completely void of my personality most of the time.  I feel like  i'm
observing myself, this takes away from who i am.  I don't know what I want to
do, what I want to say, and just have no control over my emotional level. I
hope theres someone out there who can relate to this and if not, I'm willing
to talk to anyone on this site having any kinds of problems because I am to. 
If anyone knows any kind of medications that may work or they just want to
talk...send me an email.  I wish you all the best. Email me at: hrkahler@purdue 
                                        

 

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