Story of Katy

Hi my name is Katy and I am 37 years old. I first experienced depersonalization when I was 18. I woke up with it one day but it only lasted one day. Months before that I had a terrible and painful break up with my boyfriend of 3 years who cheated on me and left me.  The next time I experienced it was when I was 26..again woke up with it. This time it lasted a few days. Months before that I had planned my wedding, worked 2 jobs to pay for it, fought with my inlaws, and started a business at home. I saw a pattern of this happening after stressful events. Since the last episode, very rarely I would have waves of depersonalization that would last a few seconds and I was able to just disregard them. On March 3rd I woke up with depersonalization and it has not gone away. It has been 18 days. Eventhough I experienced this before, it was so long ago (12 years) but it still scared me and had me wondering if something else was wrong with me. During the first 4 days I had a terrible headache that wouldn't go away and felt terrible pressure in my head like my brain was swelling. I also had a terrible stiff neck and all areas on my scalp hurt. I had blood work and a ct scan done and all came back negative. My doctor said it was depression/anxiety. For the first 4 days I didn't leave the house and I just wanted to lay on the couch, sleep and watch tv. My husband talked me into going to Target during one of those days and I had a panic attack and had to leave the store. Depersonalization is more manageable when I am at home..its my safe haven. Its worse when I leave the house and really bad when I am in stores -- not sure if it is the flourescent lights as some on this site have mentioned. I am also sensitive to loud noises. After those 4 days I realized that I have to keep going on with life and not let this thing freak me out and consume me or I could become one of those people who never leave their house. I can't do that because I have 2 small children who I have to take to school and other activites. I am in the process of finding a psychiatrist & counselor. I would prefer not to go on anti-depressants..but whatever is going to cure this thing I will do it. I have been under a tremendous amount of stress for the last year..way too I wonder if it has finally caught up to me...just like the other 2 times I had it. Its very frustrating..trying to explain to your family what you are going through..they just don't understand and you feel alone. These type of websites make me realize that I am not alone or crazy. I feel some comfort identifying with others suffering the same symptoms as me.



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