Anonymous 2

I have just recently found the term for what I have been feeling persistently for the last 12yrs. I became acutely aware of the detachment one day driving home from work- I was in a rush to get home to pick up my daughter from the sitters- when I realized that I just didn’t “feel there”. I have lived with that unreal feeling ever since. At first it was just occasional but now, 12yrs later, I am deeper than ever. I struggle every day to just act normal. I really have no feelings, I act on what I think would be the normal response. My husband is aware and tries to understand but I don’t think anyone who has never experienced “it” has any idea. I blame myself for my condition, I lived a pretty wild life in my younger days and think I am dealing with my shame by tuning out, a self protection thing. Years ago I drank a lot, pretty much every time I would black out for up to 12hrs at a time. When I smoked pot along with the alcohol it was much worse. I think during one of those times I was gang raped, I’m not really sure-what an awful feeling! It is so hard not knowing what happened during my blackouts. I never had any real sense of myself, I was looking for love and acceptance. Thankfully I met my husband who accepts me, flaws and all. Together we have become Christians and find our strength there. I don’t understand why The Lord has me on this journey but I do know He will give me the strength to survive and hopefully overcome. Thanks for reading, It has been a comfort to write it down and to know that I am not the only one.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

I am a registered nurse and have been for the last five years. The DP started when I was about 19 years old some where around there.  I don't want to make this a long and boring story because people tend not to want to read everyone else's "boring" problem (smile).  Anyway, some how I continue reading
My earliest memories of DP start when I was about six or seven. That period in my childhood was somewhat difficult for me. My parents had just concluded their divorce and my mother was in the process of getting remarried to a man I had not yet even met. She had moved to an island continue reading
I am a 20 year old male student. I am sure my DP has arisen from the use of the drug ecstasy. I have had various other symptoms since the night I took the "E", but the DP is the worst and has persisted the most.  About 5 months ago, I took one ecstasy tablet with continue reading
First off, I just have to tell you what an amazing encouragement your site has been to me.  When I found this website and read about DP and others experiences with it, I couldn't stop myself from crying.  I kept wanted to say "YES! YES! I FELT THAT WAY TOO!"  I can't even explain how continue reading
I am so glad that I found this site. I had been reading some of the experiences and some of them are carbon copy descriptions of what I have been living with.I remember my first experience as a child. I was about 10 or 11, I was sitting up in my bunk bed looking towards continue reading
First let me start by telling you a little about myself. I'm a 23 year old, male to female transsexual, computer programmer. I've been fighting with myself most of my life for many reasons. I've had panic attacks for most, if not all, of my life. I'm not sure when, or for that matter if, continue reading

Share your story