Anonymous 2

I have just recently found the term for what I have been feeling persistently for the last 12yrs. I became acutely aware of the detachment one day driving home from work- I was in a rush to get home to pick up my daughter from the sitters- when I realized that I just didn’t “feel there”. I have lived with that unreal feeling ever since. At first it was just occasional but now, 12yrs later, I am deeper than ever. I struggle every day to just act normal. I really have no feelings, I act on what I think would be the normal response. My husband is aware and tries to understand but I don’t think anyone who has never experienced “it” has any idea. I blame myself for my condition, I lived a pretty wild life in my younger days and think I am dealing with my shame by tuning out, a self protection thing. Years ago I drank a lot, pretty much every time I would black out for up to 12hrs at a time. When I smoked pot along with the alcohol it was much worse. I think during one of those times I was gang raped, I’m not really sure-what an awful feeling! It is so hard not knowing what happened during my blackouts. I never had any real sense of myself, I was looking for love and acceptance. Thankfully I met my husband who accepts me, flaws and all. Together we have become Christians and find our strength there. I don’t understand why The Lord has me on this journey but I do know He will give me the strength to survive and hopefully overcome. Thanks for reading, It has been a comfort to write it down and to know that I am not the only one.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

Hi my name is Brandon and I am not sure if I have DP, but I would like to share my story so that anyone else who has experienced it can find solace.  I had an episode last night for the 3rd or 4th time in my life and decided to do an internet search. I was looking
The first time it happened to me I was about 8. I was visiting Disney World with my mother. I remember I could see my breathe in the air when I turned toward her. I told her I felt like I was dreaming but the words that came out seemed distant and meaningless. I knew
I am 20 years old starting my third year of college, and have been dealing with what I’m positive is depersonalization disorder for about 6 months  I have not yet confirmed this, but after visiting this website just last night, something finally clicked. I have seen a few doctors who have tested my thyroid gland,
Everything seems unreal  My Self has disappeared I feel like a robot My thoughts seem strange My mind feels detached from my body The world seems foreign and    unfamiliar I can’t feel anything    My head    feels    hollow    I think I’m going crazy My body seems weird I don’t recognize myself in the mirror I am
It started when was about 15. I’m not sure if smoking pot has anything to do with it. I don’t understand why it’s happening and I want answers.  I got kicked out of my foster mums house for getting my nose pierced, I felt normal, I had a social life, I wasn’t afraid to drink alcohol I wasn’t
Amazing thing the internet, one day I’m trapped in my own private hell thinking I was the only one on earth with this horrendous condition, now by some miracle I find this site. I have been suffering from chronic depersonalization for the past 5 years and I can only say that I don’t think there

Share your story