Anonymous 5

I am twenty-five and have been dealing, or attempting to deal with depersonalization for twenty years. I do not recall any of my time here on earth before age of four, so that time is irrelevant to me. I grew up in a dysfunctional environment, so it is my guess that depersonalization on my behalf may have risen from this period of my life. I know that when something terrible was occurring, I’d feel disconnected from it and even myself, when I reflect back to the incident, I can recall nearly every detail except the space that I occupied at the time. I feel like I never happened at that moment, like it was purely an abstract reflection, but I know those things happened I was there. The state of mind exists today in me, I know what I did today, I know because I did them, but in a week it will all feel like some fantasized event.Speaking of dreams, I find that I can recall about eight percent of my dreams a year, I guess the most disturbing thing about this is they are re-occurring, and have been doing so for about fifteen years. They are so real that sometimes I have to think about them and analyze them to prove in my mind that they were merely dreams and not memories. This leaves me in a state of mind that my whole life has been false, that nothing is real, and there is no real sense to prove otherwise. I cannot connect with people, so I have no friends, I avoid conversation, I figure that it does no good, they don’t listen anyways. I don’t like being around people, including myself, but the latter I have found no escape from. I am trapped in a state of consciousness that has nothing to do with reality or existence itself. It’s very numbing in here.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

Hi, my name is Alex, I’m 28 and this is my experience with DP. About 18 months ago while at work something changed inside my brain. It was instantaneous, I looked around and everything seemed different, like nothing was real, like I was in a dream or a movie or under the influence of drugs, continue reading
This has turned into more of a life story... But I guess the person's history is crucial to understanding the person. I'm not sure when exactly this depersonalization thing came on, and what caused it. If I had to guess I'd say it was a combination of an overwhelming feeling of inferiority mixed with an incredible continue reading
Winter lake
I'd smoked pot since I was about 16. I had resisted for a long time, being a total control freak even at that age, but once I tried it I just had too much fun.  For a number of years I had no problems.  I simply enjoyed myself and suffered the typical paranoia of being regularly stoned.  At the continue reading
I am so glad that I found this site. I had been reading some of the experiences and some of them are carbon copy descriptions of what I have been living with.I remember my first experience as a child. I was about 10 or 11, I was sitting up in my bunk bed looking towards continue reading

Bev

I was the sixth child.  My brother was born 18 years earlier and two boys and two girls died in infancy before I was born.  My mother did not want another child because she could not bear another loss.  Nonetheless I was conceived and in spite of her efforts to abort, was born healthy.  She hovered continue reading
Hi, I had my first depersonalization experience when I was 12 3/4 years old.  I'm ashamed and sorrowed to admit that it occurred just two weeks after  the first time I smoked marijuana.  The DP event was so incredibly traumatic and life altering.  I look back now over the years (I'm 37 now), and can see continue reading

Share your story