This is blowing my mind. I cant believe there are other people out there that feel “not here” as well. I like to call it being on “auto-pilot” not that I can’t control what I’m doing, its like my soul has more important matters to deal with than everyday things. Often times I will be driving, know where I’m going, get there then wonder how in the world I made it. I was not aware for most of the trip. I have an extremely warped sense of my self. Its so strange, the person in the mirror or in pictures is not me. It is not, I feel that to be fact. (though I know its not) I had cancer at 13, which is what I feel triggered it. It was the first time in retrospect, that I would speak about what happened to me, and its not me that I’m talking about, its someone else. I also feel that this is the reason I began cutting myself, I felt so gone and ‘out to lunch’ and oh so damned close to the edge of reality, that I needed to feel pain so I knew I was alive. I am glad to say that I have over come, both cancer and cutting. I hope this is helpful to someone somewhere.
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