Anonymous 7

This is blowing my mind. I cant believe there are other people out there that feel “not here” as well. I like to call it being on “auto-pilot” not that I can’t control what I’m doing, its like my soul has more important matters to deal with than everyday things. Often times I will be driving, know where I’m going, get there then wonder how in the world I made it. I was not aware for most of the trip.  I have an extremely warped sense of my self. Its so strange, the person in the mirror or in pictures is not me. It is not, I feel that to be fact. (though I know its not) I had cancer at 13, which is what I feel triggered it. It was the first time in retrospect, that I would speak about what happened to me, and its not me that I’m talking about, its someone else. I also feel that this is the reason I began cutting myself, I felt so gone and ‘out to lunch’ and oh so damned close to the edge of reality, that I needed to feel pain so I knew I was alive. I am glad to say that I have over come, both cancer and cutting. I hope this is helpful to someone somewhere.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

I am a 51 year old woman, and have never spoken to a doctor about my episodes of unreality. They have, thank God, lessened greatly over the years, and have never become chronic. I remember as a child of about 5 being in the garden and suddenly thinking I had just been born.  I couldn't remember continue reading
For years I have attempted to recount my experience with depersonalization as a full-time condition.  And every time I've tried, I've stopped, for the simple reason that I first knew this illness nearly 30 years ago, and to relay everything I've experienced, felt and learned in that time would literally take hundreds of pages.  But continue reading
It was only a couple of days ago that I was reading some kind of a medical encyclopedia and was astonished to find out that what I suffered from at the age of 10-12 has a name. Reading through the stories posted here makes me feel both joy and sorrow, having discovered myself and putting continue reading
Blurred figures of red-haired girl
I am so thankful that I finally found out what is wrong with me...DID, dissociative disorder...which, by the way, is not rare. It is now believed that as high as 10% of the general population has some level of DID (of which depersonalization is a part).... Thank you to all of you who are posting your stories on this continue reading

Cat

Familiar surroundings, become strange places. I could see my usual self-change. I become this person that I knew it wasn't, me- all together a different persona. This person didn't care about anything, and was fun to be with. This persona was Fearless, and everyone in school liked who ever this was. This feeling gave me continue reading
I remember in 11th grade when my English class had to read Albert Camus' "The Stranger" and everyone thought it was boring.  I stole my copy from my school. I couldn't identify with the situation (I never stabbed anyone on the beach), but I could identify with the underlying theme or pointlessness.The one feeling that continue reading

Share your story