Arturo

Hi all!!

First of all I’m sorry for my English won’t be as good as I wanted to be.

My personal story started in Spain (where I am) 28 years ago in 1975 when I was ten years old.

I was in classroom, sitting on my chair, in a clear and shinny morning of September and suddenly a slight dizziness and then in a second all my perceptions changed: now I was inside myself like trapped inside my brain. What was that? How can a child understood what was happening inside him but explain it?

Suddenly feeling alone inside my brain, alone in a distant and unreal world, like if a thick glass where located between the real touchable world and my pure consciousness. Like having a helmet put on, feeling like my brain is inside a bubble, with the sensation you have when you are diving in the water, mind alone, you only with your mind encapsulated in your head bones and living in a dream, an eternal non ending dream.

And every day you must tell yourself yes, you are alive, this life is yours, you are standing here in the world, that something pushed you off to the other side, and that man is your father, that other your brother, why I feel them so distant? Why so strange?

And some evenings when you are on the bed you feel sometimes floating like a feather and some others expanding yourself like a giant as if you were growing quickly beyond the limits of your bedroom.

And cyclic depressions, and anxiety episodes fly around you, and you go to doctors, psychiatrics, psychologists, and a lot of strange name tests:EEC,ECG…, and after all experts say: boy you are allright!!

And after taking short term doses of antidepressants, your hopes of returning to the real world you hardly remember, fall down and you learn hour by hour to live in wonderland, to compensate the filters put in front of you only with the answer: I am here now, I am here now.

And after years of feeling alone, like a robot, trying not to panic, not to think in death, controlling yourself everyday, then you type in your computer a few strange words and a door opens and you find your brothers in pain, you find that you are not alone, and some tears in your eyes tell you that some light comes into your life, and that your life’s name is DPD, and your brothers welcome you after 28 years of pain, and you now understand everything, and although your hopes are the same you are now not alone, not alone, not alone, at last not alone…

 Thank You My Brothers, I wish someday all together break on through to the other side, where all of us come from.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

For years I have attempted to recount my experience with depersonalization as a full-time condition.  And every time I've tried, I've stopped, for the simple reason that I first knew this illness nearly 30 years ago, and to relay everything I've experienced, felt and learned in that time would literally take hundreds of pages.  But continue reading
When I first visited this website and I read the stories I cried.  I have been suffering from DP for 3 years now and it's nice to know that there are other people out there like me. To start my story, I used to be a real big fan of weed.(not anymore!)  I started smoking weed continue reading
I walk feeling alone in the world. Everyone is here but at the same time they're not. I feel empty. Is anything what it appears? Am I the only one here? Am I the only on that sees? Where is everyone's eyes? Why don't they see what I see? Did they close their eyes to the place I continue reading
My entire life I have experienced DP, I am 33. I was given up for adoption while born with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy, spending the first six months of my life in the hospital being treated with Phenobarbital and Depakote, diagnosed ADHD in 1974 but left untreated and diagnosed with the personality disorder Schizotypal in 1994. Since as long continue reading
Ecstasy induced 24/7 DP/DR.I have never been into drugs but some of my friends are.  They kept telling me stories of great Ecstasy experiences.  They made it sound so amazing and appealing - curiosity eventually got the better of me.  I decided to take half an E.  I didn't think it was really dangerous.  After continue reading
I am glad to have someone to share my experience with. I am 60 yrs old and just found out I've have de-personalization since 3 yrs old or earlier. It was always after I went to bed and I would look at my hands and know they were mine, but where was the "me" inside continue reading

Share your story