Cat

Familiar surroundings, become strange places. I could see my usual self-change. I become this person that I knew it wasn’t, me- all together a different persona. This person didn’t care about anything, and was fun to be with. This persona was Fearless, and everyone in school liked who ever this was. This feeling gave me a sense of relieve from all the pressures I had – I was being mentally sexually and physically abuse by my own father. Since I was six and no one cared. This was making me suicidal. I had pressure at school, and was constantly trying to fit in. School and home became unbearable, so I ended up marrying someone I didn’t even love at sixteen- to get out of the home. Obviously I got divorce after and went on with my self destruction. I never had guidance, so I got into drugs and alcohol at eighteen. Today I’m fighting hep C doing Interferon treatment, The treatment is brutal like chemo. Some times I think is better to give up, and then I get the depersonalization. I know I’m losing time in my life, when I become so distant from my own self, but it has become part of my defense mechanism. It sets in whenever it wants to. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and found out my mother has it to. I can believe it made me happy to know that she had the Bipolar, because it gave her an excuse for not doing anything. I know now that’s the reason she was not able to be there to help me through them years. Thank you all for sharing. 

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