Glen

I have been struggling to deal with this for the last 3 and a half months. I am not sure if it is exactly the same as I have some certain physical symptoms such as balance, poor vision, numbness around the head, but the overwhelming feeling is a real sense that I have lost my soul. 

I am 34 and not a regular E user, perhaps used it only 5 times in my life and that was over the last 18 months. I do not like the come down from it and have continually turned it down when offered it by my friends, until 3 and a half months ago when I was at a party. Well, I was a bit depressed and a friend offered me a pill, I swallowed it and immediately thought how foolish it was on top of the alcohol I had consumed, I went to the toilet to throw up but someone was using the toilet and I couldn’t get in, I had an anxiety attack but this soon subsided because the E kicked in, from that point I just rolled with it and as it wore off I became paranoid and can’t remember to much more of the night, I have since learnt that pot can also cause this and I did have a few tokes on a joint that night, so I can’t put down to the ecstasy but rather a combination of the drugs and the panic attack.

I felt wasted for the next two days, this was worse than normal but I just put it down to it being a heavier night than I am used to. Anyway I seemed to come right after that, or so I thought, a few more days past and I was feeling really weird, like I have never felt before. I rung up my friend who gave me the pill and asked what he gave me and if anyone else was feeling strange, but no one was. At his suggestion I went to the doctor and to the doctor and told him how I felt, he had a look and said I had a virus. I knew that it was no flu as I had not ever felt this way before, I started searching the net and in my paranoid/panicky state I convinced myself that I had HIV which was causing some brain disease, so I got myself tested, came back negative but this took a couple of weeks and I was beside myself with fear and scaring the life out of my girlfriend. It was then that I became convinced it had something to do with that night, the doctor by now thought I was a hypochondriac and I ended up changing doctors.

I have had blood tests, eye tests, dentist check up, saw a neurologist and had an MRI scan as the neurologist thought I had had a minor stroke, but the MRI came back clear, once again though this caused me a great deal of anxiety. It seemed that no one will find anything wrong with me and I started questioning whether it is all in my head, my partner is the only one who really knows what I am going through. I am really struggling and have been put on Lofepramine as I increasingly have suicidal thoughts, I can’t believe this has happened to me, I had so much to live for and was planning on starting a family, but I can’t make that kind on commitment in my present frame of mind. I have recently found that their is a specialist Depersonalization Unit right here in London and I am trying to get into see one of the specialist. Since finding John’s story I have read a lot on this subject and have yet to read about any cure for this terrible condition, but I do feel better knowing that it is a recognized problem and I not going crazy nor am I alone, this does give me strength and I am now taking it one day at a time, but the one thing I know, is that a different person left that party that night.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

Where to begin my story of DP which has spanned roughly 35 yrs. I’m 42 and I believe my first episode occurred when I was pre-teen. I remember it vividly.  Sitting around with my family playing SORRY in what I recall as a very ordinary night. Suddenly a wave of “unrealness” swept over me and
My story began when I was 18 years old in 1970. Like so many others here, my first episode of depersonalization followed recreational drug use. I smoked pot occasionally and had taken LSD 4 or 5 times without incident. I was a hippy, we didn’t really worry very much about what we felt were alarmist
I have suffered from chronic depersonalization for nearly a year now.    I was sitting in my class, waiting for the bell to ring, when a girl offered me some pills.  She claimed they were caffeine pills.  I took two, and went back to doing my thing.  After the class, I began to feel odd. 
My name is Tina I’m 26 years old and live in Ma. I starting experimenting with drugs at the age of 11. It was just weed at first then I decided to smoke dust. I tried it once and didn’t care for it. Anyway, my grandmother took care of my sister and I, cause mom worked the night
I  blamed the pot at first… but then realized, while thinking back on it DP came, when I was alone, when I was scared, when I was about four years old.It’s hard for me to remember, the exact circumstances that brought it out. especially back then.    it was there, in me, a long time ago.  When I was
It started when was about 15. I’m not sure if smoking pot has anything to do with it. I don’t understand why it’s happening and I want answers.  I got kicked out of my foster mums house for getting my nose pierced, I felt normal, I had a social life, I wasn’t afraid to drink alcohol I wasn’t

Share your story