Inga

It was only a couple of days ago that I was reading some kind of a medical encyclopedia and was astonished to find out that what I suffered from at the age of 10-12 has a name. Reading through the stories posted here makes me feel both joy and sorrow, having discovered myself and putting a name to the pain that had been such an integral part of my life.Knowing that I am not alone, and that what I felt has a name and symptoms is rather strange after all these years. The thing is that that experience has not recurred since, or at least not in such traumatic forms, but I remember I wished for it to end or for myself to die, it was a terrible thing to go through (and I was 10 or 11!). I could not tell anybody, because I had no idea what can I say or how to describe what I was going through. The only thing I knew was that somehow I was in my own body, and the question of how could I be myself was ruining my life and there was nothing I could do about it. It was like looking at life from the outside and having no part of it, feeling too slow, too out of place. There is nothing I can remember that could have triggered it. Perhaps a general anxiety of growing up? But then the other kids around me could be afraid of dying or growing old, but what I was experiencing was quite a different thing. I have a suspicion that I developed anorexia nervosa (in a comparatively light form, though) and binge eating disorder at the age of 14 as a result of this experience. I grew up in Latvia which was a part of the Soviet Union at that time (I was born in 1978) and it was not an established practice to consult a psychiatrist, so we had to deal with our disorders by whatever means we could:) I prayed to God, hoping that one day it will be over. I am only thankful that DP has not revisited me since my teenage years. Just want you to know I understand and care and will never forget this horror.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

Self No-Self  Depersonalization?  What's that?  I'm now 40 and have been in the helping profession since my early 20's.  I've read every diagnostic code there is and just now came to realize that depersonalization has always been the underlying issue in my life.  I cannot remember a time in my life where this diagnosis did not continue reading
I don't really know where to start. Before getting online and "searching" I had no idea that there were so many other people who felt the same way I did. Like many others I have never been officially diagnosed with depersonalization, but reading what others have described, symptoms exactly like continue reading
Winter lake
I'd smoked pot since I was about 16. I had resisted for a long time, being a total control freak even at that age, but once I tried it I just had too much fun.  For a number of years I had no problems.  I simply enjoyed myself and suffered the typical paranoia of being regularly stoned.  At the continue reading
I have just recently found the term for what I have been feeling persistently for the last 12yrs. I became acutely aware of the detachment one day driving home from work- I was in a rush to get home to pick up my daughter from the sitters- when I realized that I just didn't "feel continue reading
Story by "Maya" My name is Maya and I'm 16. I've never done drugs majorly, I've tried pot like at most 10 times, and I've never had a traumatic experience besides this 'new business'. About 5 weeks ago I had a panic attack. It was late and I got ready for bed like usual, but when I continue reading

Bev

I was the sixth child.  My brother was born 18 years earlier and two boys and two girls died in infancy before I was born.  My mother did not want another child because she could not bear another loss.  Nonetheless I was conceived and in spite of her efforts to abort, was born healthy.  She hovered continue reading

Share your story