Jayson

I just found this website the other day when I was looking up information panic anxiety disorder.

My life as a child was pretty normal. I went to high school, graduated etc. The summer of my graduation I got in a huge car wreck. I was on ecstasy and was very drunk. I flew out of the sunroof and the car landed on my legs and somehow managed to come out with only scratches. After time went on I forgot about the whole deal, with the exception of nightmares and a little post trauma. But I forgot about the whole deal, and went on to college.At college I was a normal freshmen. I went to classes and partied a lot. I made a lot of friends and was having a good time until one night I was
playing Madden 2004 with some friends and all of a sudden felt very strange. I felt like I was watching my hands press the controller and had no control over them. But since I was very good at the game, I dealt with it…thinking the strange feeling would go away in a few moments, and it didn’t. I got up in the middle of the game, and just left to my room. People knocked on the door and I acted like I wasn’t there. I stayed in my bed for a solid 24 hours hoping the feeling would just go away. My chest was pounding, my palms were sweaty and I felt stranger than ever. Thoughts were racing through my head at a million miles and hour trying to figure out what the hell was going on. I was praying it wasn’t schizophrenia or something serious. It didn’t go away for a long time. I drank the feeling away a lot by myself. I still felt strange when I was drunk, but it didn’t matter. I was okay with it because I was so out of it. Since then I left the school and have been talking tirelessly to psychiatrists to find out what is wrong. They all tell me it’s the panic anxiety disorder. But I know that I got PAD from the depersonalization. When I’m not in extremely stressful situations I feel better than usual. But still sometimes I just pray that I could feel normal again. Sometimes I go through entire days, even weeks, without feeling the horror of it. But sometimes it comes out of nowhere at full force. I pray that the people who suffer under this condition can find help somehow. At the moment I feel okay, but I still wake up not knowing if it’s going to be a “bad” day or not. Just adapting to it is the best thing I guess. I hate having to think about the fact that I’m going to have to live with this my entire life. Going from an outgoing 18 year old, to a paranoid, scared 19 year old is not an easy transition. But somehow I know it will get better.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

So it DOES have a name!  This site told me two words that three therapists, one nurse practitioner, and SIX psychiatrists couldn’t – Depersonalization Disorder!  Throughout the years, I’ve been on nine different meds (each one by itself, and then in combinations), and have been diagnosed with seven different disorders (none of which ever seemed right).  Nothing ever helped, except the
I have just recently found the term for what I have been feeling persistently for the last 12yrs. I became acutely aware of the detachment one day driving home from work- I was in a rush to get home to pick up my daughter from the sitters- when I realized that I just didn’t “feel
Hi… I’m Gabby. I am 16 and I have DP… On June 1st, 2001 I was hit by a car. My whole entire elementary school saw the whole thing from beyond the backyard gates during recess as I walked back from getting pizza with my then best friend Jovon. I was only 11 years old. Now at
If I can stop the tears I’ll be able to get through this! I was unaware of the condition DP until my midwife referred me to a psychiatrist thinking I was suffering from ante-natal depression. I sat in her office answering a string of questions, that for the first time in my life I answered truthfully.
Amazing thing the internet, one day I’m trapped in my own private hell thinking I was the only one on earth with this horrendous condition, now by some miracle I find this site. I have been suffering from chronic depersonalization for the past 5 years and I can only say that I don’t think there
  This is my story, while it is very similar, it is different as well. I am a 21 (22 in Jan.) yr. old female. I was never abused growing up, but I did experiment with drugs. But that has been a while ago. In high school I smoked pot a lot, but then quit when

Share your story