Jord

It’s funny. I never thought I’d find anything  pertaining to this topic…ever. Then I find this site. I thought I was the only one with the problem. I can’t tell reality from my dreams anymore. When I conduct my daily activities fully awake, it feels like I’m dreaming.

This has lead to an uncaring attitude on my part because, it’s like seeing your life as a movie. The protagonist may get into trouble at times, but it’s not your problem, so you sit back; relax and let the story unfold. I’ve often asked myself in my head, why my life is like a dream. One time I asked a friend “How do I even know you’re real?” of course she got freaked and laughed.

I have lost the will to live my life for some reason. I have contemplated killing myself often in my mind, but would never get the guts to do it.

Lately I’ve been scaring myself with the thought of being better off dead. Being saved from the monotony of life. Going into a corner of the wall and just expiring. Where I can dream forever. Sounds a bit poetic I know.

But if life is like a dream, and dreams are like a dream, I’ll take the one that’s far more exciting. Slowly losing my sight has further amplified this feeling of physical unawareness.

When I look at the mirror, sometimes I don’t recognize myself. In my head, ever since I was little, I’ve imagined myself as a different person despite the way I look. Tha’t person;s been the same every time.

Sometimes I feel dizzy. It’s like there’s this gunk inside my head, that keeps life from feeling real. Everything is really foggy.

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