Kathryn

Tonight while I was at dinner with my mother I decided to talk about this. I have had this feeling for about a year now.  I just started noticing it, but me and my mom have talked about it before and she told me what it was called and sent me this site. I got on it and started reading it and reading what other people have gone through.  I think its freaking weird. I never knew so many other people have been through what I go through all the time. My most recent one was the other day at practice with my friends, but I think I started noticing it that late August night last year. I was 16 and had been smoking weed for a about a year before that, but never had felt like this before and since that night I have never touched weed or been around it. It scares me. I was with my friend and another girl and a guy.  We had went to smoke but I had only taken 2 hits off of a blunt so I was okay.  I started slouching on the couch enjoying my “high”.  We soon began to get bored so we were going to get in the car and drive to the girl’s house we were staying at. As we reached her house I heard the girl in the front seat say “watch out, you’re about to hit that car”.  Right then I started wigging. I went nuts. I felt like I was in a Flip book.  Like how you see every little motion go by and you go back to the first thing you saw. It was the weirdest feeling I have ever had in my entire life. I had no idea who was with me and I couldn’t recognize anyone.  I mean I knew who they were; I just didn’t know why I was with them or how I knew them. I Leaned down and prayed. I wanted god to take me then.  I thought I was close to death.  All I wanted to do was go home to my mom. I kept telling them “take me F-in home” (I would not cuss). I just wanted to go home. They told me it only lasted for like 5 seconds, but to me it was a lifetime.

It didn’t end there. I got better, but when I went to the girl’s house I tried to lay down and sleep, but that whole night was just one big amazement. I had no idea who I was and why I was with these people. I got better as time progressed and the next day I was with my dad and was still feeling side effects. My mom has told me she had a bad episode with weed the first time she had smoked and she went to her mom because she didn’t like the feeling. Sometimes I think back to that night and can feel it coming on again. Like every time I hear that “Bone Thugs N’ Harmony” song “Crossroads” I think back to this night so I cant hear it or I get flashes because that song was playing on the radio. I have stopped smoking and will never touch weed ever again and I will not touch any other drugs.  Weed will definitely be out of my life forever. I have told everyone around me what happens when they ask why I don’t smoke. Even when I tell people and I start explaining it I start thinking about things and just get that “feeling” of DP. I have come to believe when it starts to happen I feel like I just want to yell and scream and get it over with. It scares me.  I’m not sure to just let it happen or what, but it really scares me.  I try to talk to people about it, but no one ever seems to know what it is and why it happens. This website has kind of opened my eyes a little bit more to what it is…Thank you..

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