Lindsey

The first time it happened to me I was about 8. I was visiting Disney World with my mother. I remember I could see my breathe in the air when I turned toward her. I told her I felt like I was dreaming but the words that came out seemed distant and meaningless. I knew she wouldn’t understand.  The words I said were so foreign to me. I wasn’t really there! I kept telling her something was wrong. I think she thought I was happy to be at Disney World, but that wasn’t the reason. I only remember this one image of my mother bending over to talk to me. but what I see is me looking from far away. I think that was the first time.

I was never beaten or anything. no traumas. it just started to get more painful as I was older, as my knowledge broadened. I think school actually aided it along. then depression hit me when I was about 11. I started taking anti-depressants when I was twelve and I’m still taking them. I’m 18 now. about two years ago I started to study philosophy on my own. reading everything and having debates with one of my friends who also studied it. I read about existentialism and it fit me. It made sense to me because that is how I think and that is how I feel. I had never even heard of depersonalization disorder until tonight. I was in a session with my counselor, and I was trying to describe to her one of the many episodes that I had had recently. I told her I believed I was going insane. I told her I was thinking about the way that I think and it just wasn’t normal. then she got out and book and read to me about depersonalization disorder. everything fit me. so now that I know what I have (along with depression) I can try to cope. its also comforting to know I’m not going insane.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

First let me say that I’m thrilled there is a forum for people with this disorder.  It helps so much knowing that it’s NOT just in your head, that you’re not alone. When I was about 14 I began asking myself “Who am I?” over and over to the point where I would panic because I
I’m really glad I found this site. I suddenly feel less alone.Anyway, I’m a 28 y/o female. Initially I sought treatment for cognitive difficulties, memory problems, an inability to focus and a general sense of fogginess. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression as well as ADD. He claimed that the “brain fog,” as I call
My story began when I was 18 years old in 1970. Like so many others here, my first episode of depersonalization followed recreational drug use. I smoked pot occasionally and had taken LSD 4 or 5 times without incident. I was a hippy, we didn’t really worry very much about what we felt were alarmist
Depersonalization started for me when I was about 12. I had been smoking weed with my friend Jes for about 3yrs, and the first time I experienced DP we were sitting in her back yard on a picnic table smoking out of a home made can pipe. My friend dropped the weed, as I went
  This is my story, while it is very similar, it is different as well. I am a 21 (22 in Jan.) yr. old female. I was never abused growing up, but I did experiment with drugs. But that has been a while ago. In high school I smoked pot a lot, but then quit when
I am glad to have someone to share my experience with. I am 60 yrs old and just found out I’ve have de-personalization since 3 yrs old or earlier. It was always after I went to bed and I would look at my hands and know they were mine, but where was the “me” inside

Share your story