Mac G

I am a registered nurse and have been for the last five years. The DP started when I was about 19 years old some where around there.  I don’t want to make this a long and boring story because people tend not to want to read everyone else’s “boring” problem (smile). 

Anyway, some how I manage to work and go to school despite the DP (depersonalization). I remember suffering from depression in the 80’s and also OCD (hair pulling in particular, and yes back then there was not a lot of treatment or information. 

The only thing I can remember is:  I was washing dishes one day (which I hated) an I said to myself,  “This is great”, I can be here and not be here.  I didn’t realized that I was embarking on a period of hell which lasted with periods of remission and exacerbations for the next twenty years.  I guess  I am about 55 percent “here”, maybe less.  I might be in denial.  Within the last three years the DP has got so bad and effected my driving; the “worst ” to the point where I drive with my sun visor down to decrease my perception of unreality.

Anyway somehow I manage to work a fulltime job, be a full time mom, and “pretend that I am “normal”.  Oh yea I forgot to mention that I developed Tourettes Syndrome in my last quarter of nursing school.  After that I became pregnant with my daughter and the DP seemed to be mild compared to what it is now. I wonder if I will be able to continue to drive or even work?  It seemed at though when I was working it appeared less severe, but now it permeates all of my activities.  I am also a dancer and when I am dancing or doing something I enjoy it is “less bothersome”.  I also recently found out that valium (5mg) is quite helpful.  Depression an anxiety are its predecessor and I truly believe that if these are kept in check than the DP will subside. I must also mention that I take Seroquel for the tourettes syndrome, and I truly believe this caused the DP to become worse.

I would truly appreciate some input from anyone else who might have info on if anti-psychotic medications may  worsen DP.

Anyway, peace out. I’m still fighting and I’m not giving up.  By the way I pray an awful lot and believe that I am destined for greatness and someone else will benefit from my years of suffering.  GOD is good and his mercy is everlasting.  So often when I read these notes they end off on a negative. 

I leave you with, peace , hope and love. 


Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

I have suffered from chronic depersonalization for nearly a year now.    I was sitting in my class, waiting for the bell to ring, when a girl offered me some pills.  She claimed they were caffeine pills.  I took two, and went back to doing my thing.  After the class, I began to feel odd. 
A few weeks ago, I was trying to explain to a friend how I’d been feeling for the past few years, day in and day out. The conversation went like this:       “I feel like I’m not alive, like I’m watching life through someone else’ set of eyes, life a first person computer game. I consciencessly know
First off, I just have to tell you what an amazing encouragement your site has been to me.  When I found this website and read about DP and others experiences with it, I couldn’t stop myself from crying.  I kept wanted to say “YES! YES! I FELT THAT WAY TOO!”  I can’t even explain how
Depersonalization started for me when I was about 12. I had been smoking weed with my friend Jes for about 3yrs, and the first time I experienced DP we were sitting in her back yard on a picnic table smoking out of a home made can pipe. My friend dropped the weed, as I went
When I was 12, I smoked pot; did meth, drank pretty much, did whatever I could get a hold of drug and alcohol wise, then one night when I was 16, I smoked a joint and got this weird feeling in my head; I thought that my husband might have poisoned me. So I went
Hi… I’m Gabby. I am 16 and I have DP… On June 1st, 2001 I was hit by a car. My whole entire elementary school saw the whole thing from beyond the backyard gates during recess as I walked back from getting pizza with my then best friend Jovon. I was only 11 years old. Now at

Share your story