Nicole

I was diagnosed with Depersonalization Disorder when I was 15. I first started getting the episodes when I was 10, and they scared me but I didn’t tell anyone about them basically because I thought everyone must have these sorts of things happen to them. I mean, I thought that it’s impossible to everyone to be in touch with reality all the time.Time passed and my next episode didn’t come until I was 13. I remember being in my room with my sister and all of a sudden she didn’t look the same. The colors that I saw started to become brighter and the sounds that I heard because much clearer. When I looked at her I knew it was my sister, but it just felt like I was watching a movie and what I was seeing wasn’t really my life. It felt like a dream and I was supposed to wake up any minute because I knew it wasn’t real. But, the problem and panic came when I couldn’t wake up. I refused to believe that what I was seeing was real and I kept denying it trying to “wake up” and getting more upset and more panicked when I wouldn’t wake up. My sister got scared and got my parents and my parents then made me a doctor’s appointment for the next day. We went, but my doctor didn’t know what was wrong so he sent me to the hospital for tests. After a couple trips to the hospital and talking with neurologists they ruled out epilepsy but couldn’t determine what was wrong with me. By this time I was convinced that I was perfectly fine and it was everyone else that was crazy. I convinced myself that the reason why I was getting these episodes was because everyone around me was drugging me or something and I was just an experiment living on the earth. So, when I would get these episodes it would be me coming off the drugs and realizing what was happening to me. So, I thought the people around me didn’t want me to find out what was wrong they were telling me I was crazy. I became paranoid and thought everyone was out to get me. I wouldn’t go out in public for fear that I would have an episode and break down in tears and fall to the ground and everyone would stare at me. So, basically for all of junior high and part of high school I wouldn’t go out. It was very difficult.After no luck at the hospital I was sent to a psychologist who diagnosed me. She taught me relaxation techniques and reassured me that I wasn’t crazy and that no one was out to get me but just that I have a disorder.The episodes mostly come during times of high stress and when I am sleep deprived. Unfortunately since I isolated myself from the world as much as I could for so long it’s hard for me to be in social situations now. I go to college now and going out and socializing is something that is very important. I’ve tried really hard to get back on track though I still feel left behind sometimes by the fact that everyone else looks so comfortable with being around people while I do not.I had been free from the episodes for a couple months but just about a week ago they started coming back very strongly. I think it’s because it’s near finals and I have a lot of papers to do as well as going through job interviews to find a job for the summer. It came to a relief to me when I went in search for a website that had people’s stories on it that share the same thoughts and feelings that I do sometimes. So, thank you for that.Nicole

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

This is brilliant! All these people outside looking in, I’m gushing over. I’m 22, I do take a lot of drugs (I make no excuses). I didn’t realize there was a name for this feeling until I found this site. To be perfectly honest I’ve been walking around in a kind of stunned haze these
Hello My name is Anna I’m gone, not here, don’t want to I guess, too tired sad. I cannot speak, cannot relate, cannot use words. There are no words for me, I cannot. cannot….I’m getting lost. Am I crazy?  Will I end up in a loony bin?  My body is not mine.  I’m an actor
I remember in 11th grade when my English class had to read Albert Camus’ “The Stranger” and everyone thought it was boring.  I stole my copy from my school. I couldn’t identify with the situation (I never stabbed anyone on the beach), but I could identify with the underlying theme or pointlessness.The one feeling that
As many of you, I really think that writing this letter will make me feel better. For 5 years I have been diagnosed with phobias, anxiety and panic attacks. I used to be pretty normal child, hyperactive, but OK. Then suddenly it came. First, fear of cardiovascular disease, then the worst fear of all, fear
I’m really glad I found this site. I suddenly feel less alone.Anyway, I’m a 28 y/o female. Initially I sought treatment for cognitive difficulties, memory problems, an inability to focus and a general sense of fogginess. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with depression as well as ADD. He claimed that the “brain fog,” as I call
I’ve visited this site so many times – read and reread the stories hoping to find my life story – to find some sort of explanation for my own feelings and thoughts.  I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone in these feelings yet cannot get seem to get past the fact that

Share your story