I am 16 years old. I just really got into smoking pot about 4 months ago, but, before that I had only done it a few times. I use to have a really good time smoking pot with a couple of friends of mine, there would never be a bad time and I always wanted to do more. I had even tried shrooms I was so into it. Until a couple of weeks ago, everything was ok.
It was a friend and I and we has just done a presentation for a class and we decided to celebrate because we had done really well on it. I didn’t have much on me, but it was enough to get us pretty high. Everything was good, and there was nothing holding me back from smoking during that evening.
So when we got to the forest we saw some friends and decided to hang out with them for a little while. We got out our pipe and our pot and we filled it up. Everything was going really well, however, we did do a lot, some could say too much. It was a pretty big pipe and we had two full bowls from it. It probably took us about twenty minutes to do all of it. I was pretty high, and I had never laughed so hard in my whole entire life, and it was probably about the stupidest things. Then we decided to leave, that is when things started to get weird.
These sirens started going off, but I hadn’t noticed them until my friend started screaming, “it’s the police, they are gonna get us!” over and over again. At first I started laughing, until something triggered in my mind. I told her to stop, but she wouldn’t, and I felt like my mind was coming down on me. I had no idea on what was going on. I thought I was going to die. We were at the edge of the forest (by the way, my friend, at the time, did not know this was going on with me), and I just laid down on the ground and stayed there, blanked out. But in my mind, I was hallucinating as if I was on acid. I kept on moving around and in my mind, but I wasn’t moving, I kept on saying things that I couldn’t control, and every time my friend said my name, my whole body twitched. I thought I had brain damage and I was never going to be the same. I thought I was in a come and that life was not real anymore. I felt that life is just a figment of our imagination for something greater. That, our lives mean nothing to what is going to come after this. And, this was not a good time, this was probably the scariest moment of my life. However, that was not the end. Then I tried to get up, but I couldn’t pull myself together; I would try to stand up, but I would just fly back down to where I was lying down. I finally pulled myself together and I got up. I felt like I had deja vu because the same thing kept on happening when I was walking down the sidewalk; which was my feet touching the edge of each sidewalk square in the same position.
By that time, I had not calmed down at all, I wasn’t even thinking of a panic attack, I thought I had just entered a coma and the life I am living now is not real, and it is just a dream. Then we had started to almost get home and in my mind, I was in a black room, and there were these windows of memories in my mind, not specific memories, just times throughout my life. And, in my head, I thought, I could just start from there and live the rest of my life normally again, but that didn’t work. Every time I tried to get into a window I would get sucked in and sucked out again with everything being stretched out at the time. I felt like I had nowhere to go.
Then we got home. I walked up to my room and laid down on my bed. I couldn’t close my eyes because the room would not stop spinning. I tried to concentrate on normal things, and told myself that it was the drugs doing this, but I couldn’t convince myself. So we decided to go downstairs and watch TV. Once we started watching Cheers, I started coming down and feeling normal again. It was the worst two hours of my life.
So, I promised myself that I would never smoke pot again, however, it didn’t really work out that way.
One morning it was a couple of friends and I, and we had just finished work, so we decided to just smoke some and get to bed. Man, was that ever a bad idea. I didn’t even do much, but as soon as I stood up, I automatically forgot who I was. Life, again, didn’t seem real. I felt like I was just a person and everyone else was fake around me. Just about the same things that had happened last time. So, when i got home I went straight to bed, but I couldn’t handle it, it was too hard. I took a shower, it didn’t work, it probably made me feel worse. My neck got really stiff and I felt like I was going to die, again. I got out of the shower and went back to bed and I had these hallucinations (closed-eyed), and I can’t even explain what they are, but they were the same things over and over again. Maybe, not hallucinations, but visions. Like, I was on an adventure to something new.
After that, I did get some pretty bad occurrences, where out of nowhere, my brain just starts to hurt and life feels fake.
The only solution I find is to just wait it out. And, I do. But nothing will ever be the same again. Even though sometimes I do feel excited about life, and I do have a girlfriend, and I do have friends, I will still feel the same at some points. I figured the only way I don’t feel like this, is because I forget how to feel like that. That is all it is, your mind makes you forget and it brings it back to you out of nowhere.
I am glad I researched this and read these stories. I couldn’t of put all of the things that happened to me because they are just too hard to explain, but every story that I have read I can relate to.
The only thing that actually came out of this that may be good (or bad), is that I am now convinced that there is something after life, and this is not ‘it’.
Something will always scare me about it, I will just have to deal with it.
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