Patrick

I have suffered from chronic depersonalization for nearly a year now.    I was sitting in my class, waiting for the bell to ring, when a girl offered me some pills.  She claimed they were caffeine pills.  I took two, and went back to doing my thing.  After the class, I began to feel odd.  It was as if everything had gone blurry.  People’s movements were a blur.  I went home, and decided to sleep it off. The next day, it was still there.  I began to panic when it didn’t cease after four days.  I told my parents, and was sent to the hospital.  They drug tested me, and it came up negative.  Then they told me I was probably getting a flu, and was over-reacting.  But I knew I wasn’t.  I had never felt this scared before.  I felt like I was deep within myself, and everything seemed un-real.  I knew I wasn’t dreaming, but I felt like I was.  I couldn’t sleep for four days straight, and began to have delusions that the world was fake, a dream-world.  I felt as though if I wiped my hand in front of me, I could very well erase everything I was seeing.  I couldn’t function.  I felt deep inside of my head, and couldn’t feel the world.  If it was too hot out, I didn’t notice.  I stopped eating, and wouldn’t leave my bed.  Not because I didn’t want to, I wanted to live my summer.  The world simply looked fake.  My biggest fears were 1. That I wouldn’t get better.  2. That I was imagining all of this. and 3. That I wouldn’t know the difference when I got better.   I was sent to a psychiatrist.  She diagnosed me with mild depression and a mild anxiety disorder.  I was put on Paxil and Klonopin (or whatever).  It didn’t help.  The feeling kept getting worse.  I truly thought of suicide.    About 3 months into it, I switched doctors and was put on Risperdal, 40mgs Paxil, and more Klonopin.  It helped a little.I am now managing through life.  While I still feel the effects of DP every day, 24-7 (Feeling is as follows: Feel detached, sleepy, view world as dream like and blurry. Feel alone, in your own world. as though your on auto-pilot  Gets worse in crowds and bright sunny days.) Doctors still say they don’t know what’s wrong with me.  And they seem to always dismiss the idea of de-personalization, saying it’s “just a symptom”.  It angers me that this “symptom” is not understood yet.  So many people experience it, and yet no one knows exactly what it is. No cure, no cause, nothing.  In this day and age, It angers me to know that science seems to hardly focus on this terrible disorder.  I was going to commit suicide over this disorder.  The only thing that keeps me going now, Is the hope that someday it will be gone.  It is horrible!  This is a disorder that NEEDS to be studied and cured!  Because believe me, It could happen to you too.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

Hi my name is Brandon and I am not sure if I have DP, but I would like to share my story so that anyone else who has experienced it can find solace.  I had an episode last night for the 3rd or 4th time in my life and decided to do an internet search. I was looking
My DP first began about 10 years ago, when I was 14. I have never used an illicit substance – no pot, LSD, Speed, etc. Not even a sniff. So the onset of my symptoms still remains a bit of a mystery…..I remember the first time I has a DP experience. It was like having an overwhelming sense
First let me say that I’m thrilled there is a forum for people with this disorder.  It helps so much knowing that it’s NOT just in your head, that you’re not alone. When I was about 14 I began asking myself “Who am I?” over and over to the point where I would panic because I
 I’m 31 years old.  I am just baffled right now.  I have had this condition for 5 years now, and didn’t even know it.  I was reading a book called healing fear and it mentioned something about depersonalization disorder.  Not knowing what that was I looked it up on line.  Well, I guess I am
Tonight while I was at dinner with my mother I decided to talk about this. I have had this feeling for about a year now.  I just started noticing it, but me and my mom have talked about it before and she told me what it was called and sent me this site. I got
This is blowing my mind. I cant believe there are other people out there that feel “not here” as well. I like to call it being on “auto-pilot” not that I can’t control what I’m doing, its like my soul has more important matters to deal with than everyday things. Often times I will be driving,

Share your story