Renee

My name is Renee. I’m 35 years old. I cannot tell you how glad I am that I found this site. I also have disassociative disorder and it has “peaked” again for the third time. I was also diagnosed with PTSD. I was diagnosed with both 14 years ago. I have had many traumas in my life but I can honestly tell you all that NOTHING has been more traumatic than DD. NOTHING. I lost my job last November and had been very depressed because I had to go back on Social Security. It had been a personal goal of mine to get off of it so when I lost my job I was devastated to say the least. Over the past 4 or 5 months all I did was watch TV and vegetate. Finally, I had a panic attack, a big one, and that cranked up the anxiety/DD again. Right now I am so emotionally numb that I am having a very hard time just functioning. Top that all off with flashbacks, which have never, ever been more severe than they are right now, and I am literally falling apart. Having been through this before doesn’t make it any easier. Like “J” you learn to live with it. I honestly thought that I was kind of “in the clear.” I had another episode about 5 years ago and I thought that all the psychiatry and all of that was far behind me. I was depressed but impatient also. I just wanted to get on with my life and not have to wait for Social Security to kick back in and all of that. Then, tada!, I had this episode which has been devastating. I have to put my life on hold AGAIN. I am so scared right now that I will be institutionalized. That has been unshakable. But, the “good” news is that maybe this is subsiding a little. I have days when I feel more together so I am trying to take that as a good sign. I celebrate those days! Also, I just get to the point to where I have to cry and that releases some of this. I think the crying is more of the fear coming out than the depression. Anyway, I am so grateful that I found this site and was able to tell my story. I lived with this for over 14 years not knowing of ANYONE else who had it and seriously thought I was a freak. Thank God I have the internet this time.

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on google
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email

More Stories

Hi, I had my first depersonalization experience when I was 12 3/4 years old.  I’m ashamed and sorrowed to admit that it occurred just two weeks after  the first time I smoked marijuana.  The DP event was so incredibly traumatic and life altering.  I look back now over the years (I’m 37 now), and can see
I don’t really know where to start. Before getting online and “searching” I had no idea that there were so many other people who felt the same way I did. Like many others I have never been officially diagnosed with depersonalization, but reading what others have described, symptoms exactly like my own, I don’t know
Hello, I’m Jonathan, 20 years old, and I live in Massachusetts. I’ve read some of these stories and noticed that a lot of people get DP from drug usage or a traumatic experience. I firmly believe I’ve had mine since birth, or at least- as far back as I can remember. My father has DP, my
Thank you so much for this site. I cannot stress how helpful this forum is for those of us who suffer from this disorder. I have had DP for 16 years and when it ‘peaks’, it is just awful to deal with.I developed Depersonalization from smoking Marijuana when I was 15. I had smoked it
oh my how long has it been.  I am 48 years old, yes 48 years old and I have dealt with this for that many years.  At times I feel so far away from myself, but then I think who am I.  I am floating around up there looking down threw the clouds.  Floating, floating…..I
My first experience with DP occurred when I was 15. I had been away from home on holiday with my twin brother and friend; the first time I had spent time away from home, and on returning felt that everything looked different in some way, that familiar places I had passed very day on the

Share your story