Hi my name is Steve and my story started about a year and a half ago.
I started this new job and about 2 months into this job I started getting a tingling sensation in my head and it would not go away at first I thought it might be a migraine headache or something well after about a week of this I decided to go to the doctor and have it checked out I even had a cat scan done and that came back normal so I knew I wasn’t dying of a tumor or something.
So I went back to work and it seemed to get worse. I mean it felt like my brain was moving in my head it was very bizarre. Then one day at work I started getting palpitations and I just totally freaked out I thought I was going to die. So at this point I was getting a tingling sensation in my head and palpitations. I went back to the doctor and she said these were signs of anxiety and panic attacks and I went on some meds to treat it. Then about a week or so later I was at work and all of a sudden it happened; I suddenly felt like I was not myself anymore like I didn’t have that connection to myself and let me tell you unless you have felt this before I cant type the right words to explain it because only a person experiencing this knows what I am talking about. Its like a stranger has taken your body or something. I mean I would look in the mirror and it just felt like I didn’t know the person looking in the mirror back at me. Let me tell ya I cried many a night praying to get back that connection with myself. It felt like nothing was real, like I was in a dream or something. I would look at my arms and touch my legs and try to tell myself this is my arm and my leg it was almost like I had to convince myself that I was myself. If you are confused believe me I thought I was going to have to be admitted to a mental institution and I am a perfectly normal human being.
Then I became agoraphobic and that really sucked because I was always going places and doing stuff and the fact that I was afraid to leave my house just really sucked. I mean I would get in my car and drive to the end of my road and turn around and go home. The further I got away from my home the scarier it was I just didn’t understand it! I swear it felt like I was freaked out by my own existence.
I know it sounds crazy but that’s really how this depersonalization feels. You try and tell your friends but they really cant understand what your talking about. But anyway I did go on Effexor and started taking Xanax when needed. I do recommend Xanax because I felt like more connected to myself when I took it. But I did take the lowest dose 0.25 mg.
So here I am today sitting here typing this I am much better I mean I am working again and going places like I used to. No more panic attacks or anxiety. I still don’t feel that total connection with myself before all of this happened but I do feel it more every day. So if you are reading this and feel like I did a year and a half ago believe me you can get through this you will get back to your normal like again. it just takes time for your mind to kind of heal itself if that makes any sense.