oh my how long has it been. I am 48 years old, yes 48 years old and I have dealt with this for that many years. At times I feel so far away from myself, but then I think who am I. I am floating around up there looking down threw the clouds. Floating, floating…..I want to throw-up. I feel so disconnected with life. I have never, ever known who I am, or who I am supposed to be. How can I. I take medication to control these emotions. Then sometimes the medication doesn’t work, so I drink an alcohol beverage. No, I am not an alcoholic. It never goes that far. I usually, just fall asleep. Sometimes, I can push this way, way, way far back in the recesses of my mind. Other times it rages without control. This is one of those times – it is raging. I don’t even know who is writing this, I just don’t know. I’ve seen a therapist – who can understand. How can you describe this disorder. Some people think it is “cool”. Wow, they say, to float above yourself. It isn’t cool, it is awful. I will never know who I was meant to be. I am successful. Yes, and then some. I am getting married. I am supposed to be happy. I have tons of friends. I am funny, I make people laugh. I stand outside myself and the meds don’t work. I will get married soon. I love him. He knows of my disorder. He cannot comprehend. Who can. How can you describe it. You can’t.
Menu