I am glad to have someone to share my experience with. I am 60 yrs old and just found out I've have de-personalization since 3 yrs old or earlier. It was always after I went to bed and I would look at my hands and know they were mine, but where was the "me" inside of me. Terror would strike. I've never been dissociated , …
From the start of my life until 1997, I would describe myself as having, for want of a better word, a ‘normal’ state of mind.  I experienced ups and downs, had likes and dislikes, and felt entitled to my hopes and expectations.  I was happy enough in my day to day life and was looking forward to the future. The thing which I used to love about life …
I am so glad that I found this site. I had been reading some of the experiences and some of them are carbon copy descriptions of what I have been living with.I remember my first experience as a child. I was about 10 or 11, I was sitting up in my bunk bed looking towards my encyclopedias when all of a sudden this feeling comes …
I am twenty-five and have been dealing, or attempting to deal with depersonalization for twenty years. I do not recall any of my time here on earth before age of four, so that time is irrelevant to me. I grew up in a dysfunctional environment, so it is my guess that depersonalization on my behalf may have risen from this period of my life. I …
I have just recently found the term for what I have been feeling persistently for the last 12yrs. I became acutely aware of the detachment one day driving home from work- I was in a rush to get home to pick up my daughter from the sitters- when I realized that I just didn't "feel there". I have lived with that unreal feeling ever since. …
My saga begins on a street corner in a fairly large city with " my buddy" Jeff stating the question to me, "I thought you were gonna do all three" in regards to some random pharmaceutical amphetamine tablets, "uppers" as they were called, most likely doled out to weight obsessed housewives back in the late spring of 1969. I was pretty high on  two already, …
Winter lake
I'd smoked pot since I was about 16. I had resisted for a long time, being a total control freak even at that age, but once I tried it I just had too much fun.  For a number of years I had no problems.  I simply enjoyed myself and suffered the typical paranoia of being regularly stoned.  At the age of 20 I broke down another resistance and decided to …
“I’m scared of myself, I’m scared of people, I’m scared of the world I live in and the life I’m leading. These thoughts hide behind fake laughs, awkward movements and sunken eyes, they consume me. I feel their intensity as I stare at this blank page. Every movement of my pen is the result of a forceful nudge from some trapped version of me, to …
I was the sixth child.  My brother was born 18 years earlier and two boys and two girls died in infancy before I was born.  My mother did not want another child because she could not bear another loss.  Nonetheless I was conceived and in spite of her efforts to abort, was born healthy.  She hovered over me.  In fact one psychiatrist said it was smother …
Hi all!! First of all I'm sorry for my English won't be as good as I wanted to be. My personal story started in Spain (where I am) 28 years ago in 1975 when I was ten years old. I was in classroom, sitting on my chair, in a clear and shinny morning of September and suddenly a slight dizziness and then in a second all my perceptions …
From the start of my life until 1997, I would describe myself as having, for want of a better word, a ‘normal’ state of mind.  I experienced ups and downs, had likes and dislikes, and felt entitled to my hopes and expectations.  I was happy enough in my day to day life and was looking forward to the future. The thing which I used to love about life …
Hi, I had my first depersonalization experience when I was 12 3/4 years old.  I'm ashamed and sorrowed to admit that it occurred just two weeks after  the first time I smoked marijuana.  The DP event was so incredibly traumatic and life altering.  I look back now over the years (I'm 37 now), and can see how my life was altered forever from that first DP …

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